Sometimes there are just too many things. Too, too many for me to even begin to feel like I can manage them all. I love my life, I love the people and blessings I get to know and experience every day. But sometimes it is just too much.
It’s funny because I pray for change and direction, and then when things start happening, I check out. There are just too many things. Too many moving parts, and too many decisions and things required of me, and I get overwhelmed and feel like I’m broken into a million pieces. So, I retreat into myself and survive.
In the middle of it, I know it’s happening, but I’ve still yet to find a way to completely stop it. In fact, it usually takes crying my eyes out two or three times before I girl-up and want out. Facing decisions in every area of life is tough for me, but to grow we have to change and change means deciding some things.
I knew it was time this past Tuesday when I walked out of my vocal coach’s house in tears. I’d saved them up almost until I got out the door and I was ready to have a good cry session. Of course, her neighbor would be outside, staring in my direction; and unfortunately, I’m sure they now think she tortures her students.
But it was my breaking point, and thank God it came. Breaking points always are good things but I don’t intrinsically want them to happen. My human-nature wants to wallow and have a good, old pity-party. But, God graciously brings me to my knees.
So, the drive home involved me handing over every area of my life that I’d “secretly” taken back. Again. And isn’t God so good to show us that He holds us, our eternal self, in His hands? That He, Himself, is really the only thing I desire to hold onto. And when I hold onto Him, His peace, love and joy still my soul. Jeremy Camp’s song “Christ In Me” came on the radio.
“So come and empty me so that it’s you I breathe.
I want my life to be only Christ in me.
So, I will fix my eyes, ‘Cause you’re my source of life.
I need the world to see that it’s Christ in me.”
No matter how many roles I play in life, no matter how many endeavors I take on, no matter how many pieces I am fractured into or decisions I have to make, I want my life to be a song of praise that this life is only because of Christ in me.
Have you checked out the April Issue of Stellar Day Magazine yet? The theme this month is BEAUTY and let’s just say… it’s drop-dead gorgeous!!!